Tag Archives: Rain

6.) More Rain and new Stationary!

9 Sep

Our new life in New Zealand – 13. November 1999

My production of souvenirs and Christmas decoration is working well. I just can’t stop these creative phases. If I am not cleaning, cooking, washing with the Washing monster, filling  up Henry’s watery, toothless mouth with food, change his horrible smelling nappies or doing other senseless and underpaid housewife tasks, I am cutting, gluing, stitching, sawing, hammering, and painting. In different shops including the supermarket, I bought everything I need for my creative eruption. I bought a glue gun, picture frames, scissors, hammer, chisel, steamroller, construction crane and a chain saw. I haven’t drunk the brush cleaning water yet, as I used to during enthusiastic paint attacks around midnight, when I was so excited, that I cleaned the brushes in my red wine glass and drank the cleaning water. Even those bacteria can’t kill me!   

Other than that, my days as a housewife are a bit frustrating. It rains and rains and rains like mad and maybe I will have to look up a recipe for seaweed soup. I cook every day, and while I put on weight, my lovely husband is losing weight and little Henry does not understand that you can actually swallow the apple puree.  Each day the washing machine comes up with other mean ideas to trick me and the new curling tongs for $29.95 burned my hair. I am still not able to send e-mails, because I don’t have a proper internet connection, a working modem, matching software or whatever is needed to solve my computer problem. Desperate Housewife!

As soon as my two lovely sleepy heads  will get up I’ll have a new problem.  Now even my coffee machine works against me! What’s the matter with these appliances? Or is it me?  When I made coffee, the paper filter folded down inside, clogged the nozzle, the filter filled up and the water including the coffee powder crawled over the rim. Then the mess ran along the kitchen bench, down the cupboard door onto the kitchen floor and into the gap between fridge and pantry, where I will never be able to get it out again. I think I’ll go in the water… (I just have to open the terrace door and a huge wave will pick me up).

But there is light at the horizon! Soon there will be the Santa Parade in Orewa.  As I was told, people will dress up in costumes and line the streets waiting for Santa Claus to pass in his huge, golden and nicely decorated sledge. He and his helping angels will throw lollies for the kids. Somehow it reminds me very much of Carnival in Cologne, when the prince passes by and throws lollies for the children. Like in Cologne, here they have music groups, dance groups and so on. But at least here it is summer (if it stops raining one day!).  I never understood why in Germany the Carnival  is in February (still winter). They should really change it to a warmer month (like in Brazil). That would solve the problem that 85% of working people in Germany are on sick leave for minimum three days after Carnival. Too much hot drinking and dancing in tiny costumes on a cold winter day….   

 Orewa’s Santa Parade will also be joined by the Harley Davidson club (look more like the Hells Angels), the Vintage Car club (including Marilyn Monroe’s pink Cadillac), an 83-year old Elvis impersonator, a Maori Kapa-Haka group, all local Real Estate agents (who throw business cards instead of lollies) and many children’s sports groups including Judo, Wrestling, Rugby, Soccer, Surfing, Cheerleading and Tae Kwon Do.  The knitting ladies from the retirement village, members of the jam cooking society and the stunt and skateboard survival group from the hospital are also included. Everybody is welcome!    

For my lovely husband, it is time to find a job. He has enough of holiday feeling (he is not that type of holiday person anyway) and I am missing my 174 boxes of stuff, which are still sailing the seven seas. ..

Henry now invents his own language and he starts talking about „Nene“ and „Nengneng“. I guess, these are his new imaginary friends, and therefore we composed a song in German (not translatable!). Every time we change his nappies, we sing our new song, and hairless and toothless Henry laughs out loud. 

To be able to file Bernie’s job applications properly, I decided to buy a punch. Unfortunately I didn’t know the word punch at that time, nor did I know the word for filing or file or binder. The lady in the stationary shop was already hoovering the carpet when I rushed in just before closing time. I took a file from the file shelf and tried to show her, what I want. I need something to make …… (?) into the paper to …… (?) it in this thing.  These are really frustrating moments, when you realize, how important language and communication really is. The lady looked at me like I just fled a mental health institution and then she pretended to have no clue what I am looking for.  I think she was very close to sucking me into her vacuum cleaner. “I want to put little…..(?) into the paper to put it in the …..(?)” and then I showed her the binder again. That can’t be so difficult to understand. Finally that shopping drama had a Happy End and if you know, that the word for the tool is “punch” it is kind of easy!

At the supermarket I bought an odor spray to fight nasty smells in clothes, furniture and carpets. In our bedroom (in the basement of Noah’s Ark) it smelled permanently like cheese and we suspected each other to be the originator. Finally and to save my marriage, we suspected little Henry created this smell. But now, my new Chemical weapon solved the problem and we can put the gas masks back into the huge wardrobe.  The extreme odor of generations must have lingered in the carpets, and you could easily think that there was a dead body hiding under the house. Too much for my bacteria-phobia tortured plumber Bernie.  One more problem solved! I am very proud, it smells like freshly cut lavender everywhere and I hope the cheese has surrendered forever.

Bernie loves the fire place and every night he burns the drift wood from the beach. It is nice and warm in our little cottage (although it is 20 Grad C outside) and it keeps my lovely husband, who is also a certified gas fitter, busy. It is really time for him to find a proper job.

 9am, time to check on my two sailors, whom I haven’t seen since late last night. I feel a bit like a captain left by his crew. But it is so nice and quite here and the coffee is ready! 

To be continued…

(c) Beate Minderjahn


5.) Floods and Vacuum Cleaners

2 Sep

Our new life in New Zealand – 12. November 1999

At the moment we are not swimming in the sea, but at home. It can’t take long for our little cottage to dance on the waves and actually leave Hatfields Beach. Then me, my lovely husband and baby Henry might start our trip to the open sea, accompanied by the striped cushions, the rusty ironing board and the brand spanking new frying pan, and maybe one day we’ll arrive at the port of HamburgBy then I think, Henry will have grown up and can help to paddle in the right direction. I hope, it will not come to this. What a waste of frying pans… 

Two days ago my Dad rang from Germany and left a message on my answering machine from hell. Because Henry was just having a cry-attack, I wasn’t able to answer. My Dad wouldn’t have understood a word. So I rang him back an hour and 20 baby calming-down-methods later to hear the latest news.  Very proudly my Dad presented me with the information, that he can ring me a lot cheaper now.  I straight away suspected it to be my brother’s idea. He is very clever in all money matters and I wouldn’t be surprised if he found a company who actually pays him for calling New Zealand.   And it wouldn’t surprise me if he cleans the toilet paper in the washing machine or re-uses the coffee powder as Nescafe to save money (sorry, little brother – but you know me!). It doesn’t matter! I am happy about any news from good old Germany, even if  it costs 24 Pfennig or 1.80 DM!


The vacuum cleaner in the house is a nightmare. You can’t really call it vacuum, because it spits out more dust, than the amount it is supposed to suck in. Even Henry sucks in more dust mites, when he crawls on the carpet, than this mean pre-war-model of Hoover.

Therefore my minister of finance, who is also my lovely husband with an advanced bacteria-phobia, and me decided to invest part of our fortune to buy a new model of vacuum cleaner. Then we finally would be able to remove these horrible bacteria, viruses, piles, dust mites, dog-cat-mouse hair and other pathogens (?) from sofas, armchairs, carpets, walls, bookshelves, rubbish bins, bedspreads and native wood decking on the terrace.  My plumber Bernie is also a very practical person and suggested that we go for an Industrial Dry-Wet-Cleaner, which he could also use for his work at a later stage. We could clean the Dinosaur in the garage or suck out the birds from their nest over the BBQ. We couldn’t be in the car quick enough! At Placemakers in Albany (our favourite shopping centre) we bought the Super-Monster Wet&Dry-Vacuum-Blower, the Mercedes of all Vacuums. Bernie could have tested it straight outside Placemaker’s door, because it was raining again like mad, and he could just withhold the temptation.  

That machine is just perfect! It sucks in the pattern of the armchair, the hair from your legs, the books from the shelf and since my first test I can’t find the striped cushions, the little rug from the terrace door and the curtains anymore…  From now on pets and babies are prohibited on the floor! It is too dangerous and they could just disappear in this huge garbage can on wheels. It was a real joy let it inhale everything out of anything. The only problem is you definitely need big ear-muffs, as it sounds like a Boing 707 at lift-off. In a way, it is like my devilish washing machine! I have to be very careful, not to come too close to the collection of ornaments, wall plates and paintings, as it would be very difficult for me to explain my Lady landlord in broken English, where her souvenirs and heirlooms of her great grandmother ended up.  This multi-talented super vacuum is simple amazing. It eats everything and the best is you can reverse the process and it spits everything back out and blows it evenly through the room. You never know – could come in handy one day, if you want to tease somebody with cat allergies or a Philatelist.

If our little cottage is leaking, we now are able to suck up the water and spit it back into the sea.

Next week we will become members of the Orewa library. It doesn’t cost anything and we can borrow interesting books about Plumbing, Christmas crafts, sex and seafaring.

For dinner I prepared mouth-watering chicken legs. They looked and smelled sooooo good, when they were crisped in olive oil. We couldn’t wait to have them on our plates, but when we finally sat at the table and I poked the chicken leg with my fork to try it, I must have hit the Aorta. Blood spurted into my face and in the moment I couldn’t find the first aid kit fast enough in the huge wardrobe.  First aid was necessary, but at least the leg didn’t scream, but it definitely deprived me of my appetite. As a punishment I let it bleed on its plate. And then my lovely husband refused to eat his two chicken legs and now they are all lying drowned in blood on the kitchen sink. Their last journey will end in the rubbish bin for the rats and mice to fight about. That’s life! Three is not a good number for chicken legs anyway. It’s somehow mean!

The rain goes on and on, Henry is riding on a seahorse, Bernie is looking for his yellow gumboots in the huge wardrobe and I keep the monster-vacuum handy, just in case. When will it ever stop raining?

To be continued…

(c) Beate Minderjahn

4.) Noah’s Ark!

1 Sep

Our new life in New Zealand – 10. November 1999

Our little cottage feels like an old barge dancing on the waves. Noah’s ark would be exactly what I need now. But it has to be water tight from the outside and the inside! It is still raining and raining and this little island seems to go down in a big flood. When we board the Ark I have to remember to take the Dinosaur from the garage, so that, at least, one important species survives (besides cockroaches, spiders, mosquitoes and the common house fly).  The water inside the house comes from little Henry though, who dribbles so much now that I decided to spend some money on proper goggles and snorkels. I really hope that his habit stops before his eighteenth birthday.  It gets even more dangerous when on top of it all, Henry sneezes and the gluey stuff spreads first through my face and then through the whole room like an explosion.  Not a healthy situation for my bacteria-phobia tortured plumber husband. Nothing here is safe of moisture and even the paper in my printer has curled already.   

Little Henry-baby just had his last bottle for today and now he cries again, because I want him to lie down. He hates it and prefers to watch TV sitting upright. I think this little sailor is sick of the rain, too. We haven’t been able to go to the beach to collect driftwood, nor have any other interesting discoveries. For a few days I tried to feed Henry solid baby food. He sits in his pram (we haven’t got a highchair yet) and I try to push a plastic spoon with baby apple puree into his mouth. He must have remembered the medicine I had to give him this way, weeks ago, for his stomach pain.  In a second he changed his little baby face into a grotesque mask, his eyes popped out a few centimeters and then straight away he pushed back the expensive puree with his gluey tongue. It is time for him to get some teeth to block the way back. Then he laughed like mad, while I desperately tried to recover that apple stuff from his chin, before it lands on his monster-washed and turbo-spun bodysuit. We need six to eight a day! Is it normal? As a first-time mum you have no idea what is normal! Anyway… while Henry works successfully against me, our goals seem to have opposite directions, but in teamwork we spread the apple puree round his little Buddha face and even into his nostrils.  Henry loves it, has a lot of fun and from time to time he sucks the puree deep down into his lungs. Mum and Dad are not amused! We try making smacking noises and improvised movements to make him understand where the puree has to go. Then he really starts to enjoy the entertainment and he squeaks like a little piglet. After all, a baby needs clever in-put for proper development.    

My lovely plumber husband spent the whole afternoon writing job applications and his CV, which of course turns out to be very difficult in a language which you can’t speak or understand properly. So he was determined to translate all his qualifications into nice and tidy English, while I hand-crafted tiny Christmas angels from the nut collection I bought at the supermarket. At least Henry was interested in the nuts and he was happy for me, when another golden angel was born and hung on the wall for drying next to the landlady’s golden plate from her grandmother. 

Bernie was writing and writing and nearly forgot his coffee and cigarette addiction with this challenging task. It looked to me like he was working on his memoirs. By dinner time he very proudly presented me with two pages for assessing. After dinner I and Henry started checking Bernie’s writing in the good old German manner (a bit too fussy, maybe!). We marked and corrected every single sentence. Unfortunately my lovely Masterplumber husband felt offended in his honour and in two minutes the discussion totally got out of hand.  Henry again enjoyed the entertainment and happily joined in for a while until he preferred to watch TV and let his parents go ahead by themselves.  Half an hour later Bernie and me sat peacefully at the computer and reviewed the text again. At that time the dictionary looked like it is 100 years old already and the first pages had started to come out. Finally we printed two pages out, which hopefully are good enough to let someone imagine that my lovely husband is looking for a plumbing job. I had no idea how difficult it was. Every time we had a good idea for a sentence in our own language, we couldn’t translate it, because we didn’t know the most important word. When we then tried a substitute, but couldn’t find that new word in the dictionary either.  And if we found a matching word, it had around 37 different meanings and not one of them made any sense to us. Hour by hour went by and the rain outside went on and on flooding our new home country…

After all, only success counts and I am sure, in 124 years we will laugh about it (with no hair and no teeth – exactly like Henry).

Finally Henry is sleeping happily and we are totally exhausted from another busy and exciting day. A few minutes of watching TV before calling it a day, and what’s on TV? A documentary on the sinking of the Titanic! (How suitable!). I can’t watch it! 

Did I just see a Hammerhead shark and a huge Snapper passing by my terrace door? I think, I’ll go to the amazing wardrobe and try to find the inflatable lifebelt and some rubber Duckies for Henry…. I am also not sure if the toilet flush in the basement still works with these high water levels outside. Hopefully no octopus will come up the pipe…  

Time for bed!

To be continued…

(c) Beate Minderjahn